Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
