then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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