So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
