it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
