mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
