Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize