Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
