just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Randomize
