yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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