My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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