I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
