i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
