Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
