thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
