btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Randomize
