i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
