Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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