"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The air taste purple.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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