and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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