just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
