No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
