she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
