You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize