I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize