i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
