Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
