so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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