He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
