Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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