I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
