he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
so much tequila, so little girl.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
