I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
