well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
