I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
