Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
