She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
