Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize