btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
