hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
