I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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