i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
