I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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