I smell stomach acid.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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