so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
