fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
