is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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