You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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