The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize