the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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