Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
