If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
