Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
