Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
