Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
