I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
