i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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