I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
