Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
