You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
