she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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