It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
