I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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