exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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