I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
