So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
