Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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