well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
