you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
