u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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