I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
