Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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