im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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