saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i think i have herpe
just one?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
