When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
being pregnant is like rehab
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
