I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize