Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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