just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
