a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
