He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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