and you said cock pushups were impossible
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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