I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
